When S hits the fan

I thought I will write this down. Partly because I am going through it right now.....

When S hits the fan I feel anxious about a future that I think might happen. This anxiety have no benefit other then to kick me out of auto pilot mode and reflect on my life. For without crisis, I will mindlessly go through life with not fore thoughts of my actions and its consequences...

Sometimes when bad things happen, it can be from mistakes we made years and years ago even if you have changed for the better since then. Its like having a grave of someone that died years ago being dug up to be scrutinized. Life suddenly feels unfair, unforgiving where mercy is not shown but your mistakes in the past scrutinized and your good deeds ignored. Alas, we are in a sinful and fallen world...

But I know though I don't feel it now, no matter what happen after this, a few months from now or so, I will just look back and smile because at that time I won't feel emotional. I will also be able to see my circumstances now with the bigger picture in mind.

As for now, I will live with it one day at a time and wait for things to resolve because it is now beyond my control. It might never resolve but this is part of living, very good things can happen, very bad things can happen and sometimes there is nothing we can do to influence our situation. The only power I have now is my ability to influence the way I perceive my crisis, and I choose to be thankful for it despite my anxiety. Because I will be a notch wiser after this.