Rant: What to do with a back stabber without a cause?

PS: this is just a rant for the moment.

What can you do with an asshole that is back stabbing you for no good reason, and I mean for NO reason at all other than envy, 2 Options

1) You approach him and tell him to shut the F up
2) You keep quiet and respond indifferently about it.

I will choose option 1, but I better do it when I am really calm and I don't feel like reaping the skin of his fat girly ass off.

I think people that invest a lot their time and energy into causing harm to other people for no good reasons have really no F purpose in their life. Seriously, think about it if you have goals in life to look forward to will you spend so much of your energy and time to cause harm to other people? The extend this guy go through to do SH!T for no reason other than to feel good is bloody unbelievable, I don't F-ing understand that mentality! How the F did his parents produce this lump of pathetic and useless life form?

Tribute to Rachel

If you ever decide to get a German Shepherd dog love him/her as you would do to yourself because there will be a time when your little fury friend will go away forever. Rachel has been a big part of my life. I whispered to her ears that I love her before she left. Rachel I love you and you'll always be my girl.

Definition of dating

I was out with my guys the other night and we joke on this definition

Dating- The process of spending enormous amount of time money and energy to get better acquainted with the person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future (Thanks Roy)

Easy- Is a term to describe a woman with the sexual morals of a men (most men)

I don't quite agree but I found it hilarious.

Where are all these coming from??

When my system starts churning out this kinds of profit from the market, I can't help but contemplate "where did all these money come from??" It bizarre, I mean I work very hard when i was designing my system to cash in on these opportunities, but actually having those huge gains at hand just conflict with my mind about money.

Human's frail heart

I found this anonymous letter from the internet.

I am married to a veteran injured in Iraq. The last 3 years have been hell for us. His PTSD is getting the best of him, and I don't know how to handle it anymore. He does get help, which I am grateful for. But, the anger and mood swings are almost too much to take. We know lots of couples who have divorced since returning from Iraq, over smaller issues that we have faced. I have stuck it out because I took a vow to love him in sickness and health. And I feel like that is what this is, it is a sickness. I could not leave and feel good about myself. I feel like he needs me now more than he ever has in the 10 years we've been together. But, at the same time I know I'm not happy, and at times I'm scared. This isn't where I expected my life to be. I spent almost 18 months counting down the days until he would be home. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep with worry. I couldn't wait for him to be home again with me. And, now I feel like.... "Is this what I was waiting for?? Is this why I cried all those nights??" When he was hurt, I rushed to be by his side. He has several life changing injuries, and through it all I have been right by his side. I feel like I sacrificed a lot while he was away, and have gotten nothing in return. I know this sounds selfish, but it is honestly how I feel. His depression is so bad, that he doesn't even want to take a bath. No one else will help us, so it's all left to me. I'm tired of being the responsible one! I feel like if I leave he'll be homeless in a year, and I don't think he would care. I love him more than anything, but I think it is time to start taking care of me. I think I have to start coming first!

Vote up! 2


I can see why she is doing it. I can also see why that ex veteran is moody. It makes me wonder, if the people I love is causing a lot of inconvenience for me but at the same time they need me, would I stay and help them?? Would I love them and support them as I should even though they are giving me hell? I hope when the time comes I will have the character to do that. I am just thinking, God went through a lot of inconvenience for me while at the cross.

A sales person's crazy tactic

A church friend of mine in her 50s is a buisness woman, currently she is trying to promote a company she is partnering with(I found out latter). The company is trying to raise funds to start an ethanol producing oil palm plantation in indonesia. She approached me and started her pitch using classical salesman tactics...... This is the 1st time a well trained salesperson approach me with such a smooth speech. She was going on and on and on and on about why ethanol is the future, why this startup will be successful and all the good facts. Being a trader for a while when I analyze a money making system I will try to falsify my believes, meaning I will first try to prove that what I observe is wrong then if the system still looks good I will accept. Now this is supposedly a sales strategy that made me annoyed, it is, if the person ask questions you don't want to answer, interrupt him with a grandiose fact so that he will forget it and think about positive things....

The more she did that, the more the questions I want answer was burning in my head. She said something like this. Some esteemed credit rating agency from USA rated this company as very sound AAA, these are experts and we don't know how they do it but it must be true, then she said there is this financial company in NZ that is insuring this company from any lost. I then said, one of the reasons for the financial crises is that credit rating co that told lies, and financial institution going broke, do you think that is a problem? This is what she said, The chinese word for crises is "problem-opportunity" bla bla bla and on with how good this co is. SHE IS NOT GETTING TO MY POINT WHICH IS IMPORTANT!! she is annoyingly avoiding it! She then went on talking and talking about all the good things about the company. Slowly but surely I started wondering if she is intelligent, because if you ask me, I will try to find all the faults of the company before I consider the good parts. Every system have pros and cons, and she seems blind to the fact that she couldn't see any cons!

I finally ask why are you promoting this company whats in for you? she push it aside and ramble about the good things, finally I ask again after 30 mins, she did the same. Finally I interrupted her and said, you know what is your risk? you got many church members in to this, if this fails you might have enemies here. She kept quiet for a few seconds, she then push that aside and continue with her rambling. I stopped he again and say, I am not questioning your integrity, but can you tell me why do I feel you are trying so hard if there is nothing for you? She finally said this, Oh the company help us set up the office and the system...... ah I know now, she then went on rambling about DR who and who and experts that promotes this company..........

My mom told me that these are sales tactics that works. Work?!! are people that shallow to believe that? She could have won me if she came with more facts and a balanced view of pros and cons than quoting some experts I have never heard of. When I analyze trading patterns I start with trying to find evidences that the pattern is just random noises first.... after rigorously doing that then I will try to capitalize on it...... Trading have really taught me critical thinking.

Another thing, she said, many members here after hearing us will go back and pray about this, when they find peace they come back and invest a good portion. What do you mean go back and pray! and the condition to invest is if you find peace!!???? CMON! The right way is, they will go back and do THEIR OWN RESEARCH AND DO THEIR OWN THINKING, NOT FIND PEACE!!

I don't understand some people

I don't get some people. I would say about 50% of the population don't have the ability to think by judging and determining the outcome of their actions and control their emotions. When they get angry with someone/something many people will choose the "last resort" action. If you show aggression I will match it with my aggression, if you insult me I will sabotage your family/life/work etc. They don't think whether there are better ways to deal with the problem they will do what will satisfy their emotions and those actions are usually blown out of proportion followed by more bad results...... Man..... I don't get this bunch of people especially when they are way in their middle age. You have live life for so long and you still react like a typical 5 year old would at something unfavorable. haven't life teach you something so far? No? *sigh*

Only 5 year old will react violently at something unfavorable like putting on a feat or hitting the other boy. But then you do get adults that do stuff like that and react like a 5 year old. Holy cow..... I don't understand them. Some people are soooo dumb to the point that even after you explain to them why so and so will produce results you don't want, they still won't consider because doing so and so doesn't settle their angry heart on the spot..... *sigh* *sigh* we only have so long to live, why not live to get something useful done on earth before we die than oh I am going to confront him tomorrow to fight because he pisses me off and no I don't want to consider any other option or think of consequences because I will still be mad. I mean I am just thinking, do you honestly have a normal functioning brain or is this all an act to watch me being fooled by some people acting dumb...... I just, omg I just don't get some people. It hurts especially when it involves people I know intimately.

Truth about New Zealand

These are my observation of New Zealand. I love New Zealand, I spend a good part of my life there, I finish Hi-school there and graduated from Auckland Uni. I worked in Australia/New Zealand for a good 2 years.

From the outside, NZ seems like a prosperous country, laid back and relaxed. But truth be told, New Zealand is in terrible debt which stands at 21.2% of its entire GDP!! The reason? The National party led by Robert Muldoon in the 1980s borrowed a large sum of foreign capital to buy assets that did nothing to improve the condition of NZ. To this day NZ is still in debt with a trade deficit as big as 8-9% of its GDP! The NZ government have refuse any audit on the outcome of foreign capital borrowing.

From all that in order to sustain a relatively high living standard New Zealand have been selling its assets to foreigners(big ones). For starters all their banks accept for 1(kiwi bank) have been sold to foreigners, do you know the implication of a country that is under the mercy of foreigners that own her banks? Even so there are talks about selling Kiwi bank, their only national bank! A recent study have shown that NZ productivity level relative to her population is the 3rd lowest in the OECD. So to sum it up, NZ is in a hole, big debts, large trade deficit, highly unproductive population(3rd lowest in the OECD) and relying on selling their assets to sustain their living standards. What have this result into? Ridiculously high taxes, increasing trade deficit due to money being siphon out to foreigners that own their assets and New Zealand being at the mercy of their offshore asset masters. Just to name a few.

Do you think all these are by coincidence? Do you know what Alan Bolard their fed chairman said? "A return to that borrow-and-spend behaviour before household debt has been reduced to more prudent levels is a clear risk, Bollard warns, and a threat to a sustained recovery."

He is basically saying, we need to spend more and save less to get us out of the recession. He says this knowing that NZ is in a dire situation.... You don't spend your way out of recession, you produce your way out of it. Having NZ spending will put them deeper into a debt hole. NZ leaders know what they are doing to NZ they ain't dumb, judging from their actions they are purposefully running NZ into a crisis somewhat like Ireland. It is the same thing American politicians are doing to their country, running their country into an abyss. For what reason? The rabbit hole is deep..... I will explain it another day.

Wall Street Banksters and Washington

I saw this online, The vice president of America Joe Biden said "We Have to Go Spend Money to Keep From Going Bankrupt" That is the dumbest statement i have ever heard.... When you are in recession or a depression like what America is in now you don't SPEND your way out of the depression..... You produce your way out. You produce goods that other countries need and that will get you out of a recession, you don't print money out of nothing! You'll end up like Zimbabwe. this is not economics 101 anymore, this is economics for dummies.

Definition of Identity

I have wondered since 7 this question, what defines our identity? Many would probably say our personality, our physique, our talents. But isn't that 3 properties of our make up a result of what we were biologically born with? Isn't it something inherited? How can we say it is out identity when clearly we received it all from our parents? Some would say is what you do that defines you. But then if that were the case I would ask what is the difference between me and Osama Bin Laden? Sure there's a trillion and one things but there is one answer to that trillion that will sum it ALL up, and that is this- I happen not to be born in the body of Bin Laden by HIS mother. To me that's the only difference between me and anybody in this world.... because really every other trillion things that defines us will root at only this- to whom were we born to. I can say with 100% guarantee that if I were born as Saddam Husein I will do exactly as he did kill the kurds, rape iran, not because I want to(speaking as Benjamin) but because I will be 100% like him if I was born him...... This is also the main reason why i believe that salvation or not, is already decided on the day your sperm reached your mothers egg. If you were born Judas the traitor you are fated to go to hell, if you were born Billy Graham you are fated to enter heaven.

Honestly I hate thinking about it, but I cant help but act knowledge it in my life..... This is just my take on the world. If you ask me what i think is our true identity??? My answer is this- Our identity as individuals is the result of the sum of all the decisions our ancestors have made which decides everything about us, from where we live to whether we go to hell or heaven. I came to that conclusion purely on deductive logic, are these views supported by the bible? Yes and that will have to be another blog, i need sleep, zzzzzzzzzzzzz. There is sooooo many things i want to ask God if and only if I do make it to heaven.

Social rituals

I find that most people that engage in debates and arguments are just doing it to make themselves feel better(either to portray an image of themselves or to feel smart), and so sometimes when I argue my point it does give some sort of impression that I just want an argument for the hell of it when in truth I just want to dig out more from the other party by stating contradictions. Having said that, this kind of social ritual is somewhat meaningless and non-productive, if our view of reality is somewhat distorted and reality is not constant then its not worth the effort proving a point that may not last. If your views are nearer to the truth, than it will reflect in your achievements and actions. My problem is, I find a lot of social rituals a waste of time, take say dating, there is a ritual that needs to be performed at the right sequence in which each sequence have to mature before you progress forward to the next sequence. (no I ain't talking about marriage its a different beast and I don't know about it) A friend of mine I met while offshore told me how he got his wife, within 3 days of meeting they decide not to waste time and just get married. I personally don't agree with hasty decisions but I like his idea of not wasting time on meaningless social rituals and get on with life.

Most personality types enjoy social rituals like flirting, small talks.... They do serve a purpose, for example the true reason why we flirt is to find out more about the persons intellect, is she witty? Is she in control of her own head? and generally its fun! All seemingly innocent social rituals have a purpose. Subconsciously in a group we tend to find the alpha male or female... more dominant personality will make sure he/she establish that and that all the rest will know it. How he does it? through seemingly innocent small talks.... I guess we humans are like wolf packs in which there are social hierarchy and the way to establish it is not through election, strangely its through a social ritual I call social positioning. When an alpha woman or man makes a seemingly innocent joke about someone in the group and the rest laugh, its usually to make that guy/girl conform to the alpha man's rules in a very subtle way. Its not obvious and unless someone have spend time learning this rituals no one will notice but through non-innocent words their heart and head will be moved without them knowing. There are many more examples that sounds like direct manipulations but I will just end and conclude here. Humans are a strange bunch, we are not direct in our intentions but when we want our way in a group we naturally utilize social rituals to stealthily control a group.... seen that too many times. I concluded that as sinister as it sounds on 1st impression, it serves a good purpose in society, because of the way we are made we will be chaotic without a system of hierarchy that will provide the rules and orders, be it in an organization, a group of friends or a cheerleader squad. Therefore God probably place those tendency in our heads to enable us to live together, a social hierarchy to keep the order.

Locking horns with my Boss

Whenever I am given an intellectually challenging/stimulating job to do (or I voluntarily engage in one). I turn into what I call acute-autopilot mode, where I am more conscious inside my mind than in the physical world. There will be voices in my head helping me to work out the problems which works a lot like multi-threading and in that mode those friends in my head are usually more interesting than some useless gossips I hear at work (So if you come to me with gossips and small talks when I am in that mode…. please be realistic, you can't compete for my attention with those voices in my head). With that, symptoms like anti social, disregarding rules, isolationist, don't care about peoples feelings and giving a direct and unfiltered answer is what everyone will notice. Quite a few times being in that mode got me into social misunderstanding. This nature of mine led me to an incident with my previous boss.

Running on autopilot mode I came to work as usual thinking about the architecture of the finite element program. I was writing it in C++. There was a memory leak somewhere in a 15000 line subroutine. My boss called me in to his room as I was about to log in to my computer that morning. Reluctantly I went.

"Sit down Benjamin. Recently you have been strolling into work an hour late and leaving an hour late or latter consistently every day. Although your job gets done rather efficiently and well, you are not respecting the company's policy and the rules set. I feel disrespected and disgusted by your attitude"

I looked at him shocked by his comment, because being in autopilot mode at that time all I was thinking in my head was this- Are you stupid? You don't expect me to waste time in the traffic jam do you? So I answered this.

"Time is just relative to me, the only thing that matters is getting the project done perfectly on time, which is paramount. I don’t like wasting time, so I adjust my schedules accordingly to miss the AM and PM rush-hour traffic. The more traffic I miss, the more time I can have to think about the issues at hand. You should feel disrespected not because I am not honoring your work rules but because I think you are not at all smart and competent. If you were smart and competent, you won't get so uptight about getting your stupid little feelings hurt by your efficient and high-performing employee breaking the rules to produce better results."

Upon saying that I was feeling pissed because at that time what I told him to me is basic stuff and if you can't figure that out on your own you are so dumb you don't deserve to live. I also marveled at that time at just how a dumb fellow like him can get so high up the corporate food chain.

He stared at me, I could see beyond his eyes that he was shocked and probably pissed with what I said. As he crossed his arms I could see nervous tapings with his fingers. After about 10-15 seconds of cold and painful silence he took a deep breath and turn away from me and faced the window. He then said in a mysteriously calm voice.

"Get out of this room"

Latter I felt that he was about to fire me but he held himself back. At that time my mind was so focused on finding that memory leak in my program that all I cared was solving the problem and perfecting my algorithms. It was only after I finished the project that I thought I was bloody rude. Since then he never spoke to me directly, it's usually through someone. I know that being in that mode has extreme pros and cons…. and honestly to do a good job I will hate to compromise on my work just to be out of autopilot mode. I must say that was a close call. In normal mode I am generally friendly and tolerating to a fault sometimes, but in autopilot mode, I have zero tolerance for stupid opinions, time wasting small talks and gossips. I will be a complete stranger even to myself. With every good thing, there is always the other side of the coin.

Reflection of a girl...

"Life is all about fuck ups and learning kid!" Growed RJ while I was staring into the deep blue sea from Songa Venus, a drilling rig off Western Australia. It was around June 2008. RJ-Ronald James a senior drilling engineer has been my close buddy while I was drilling for Weatherford, an old oil rig hardened man from youth. I kept thinking of her, a relationship that lasted for 2 years ended just like that. "Damn it Ben, its not like you need her, well if you want a girl like her again get your girly ass up and get your life back together again". I glanced at RJ as he was growling with a distinctively strong aussie accent, deciding on the spot not to reply. Sure I was hurt, and you would think a good loving friend like RJ will comfort you. He went on lecturing me as I watched the sun sink to the bottom of the sea barely listening to him. "Dude, I have been through pussy fuck ups myself, but you know what I got up! yada yada yada" Of all the joy and pain I have gone through in life suddenly it dawned on me that day that there are no emotions as extreme when someone you desire rejects you. "Ben its part of growing up! You are going to get out of this, you are going to find what you want" He exclaimed. It made a lot of sense but I just can't feel it. That night we flew back to Brisbane as we were preparing to go back to NZ in 2 days. Adelaide offered to meet me at the airport through a text. At that time it didn't make sense. I was dating Adelaide, she is a very lovely, sweet and beautiful girl I met a few months back but yet even while with her I still thought of my old ex, the one I have been with for 2 years. Adie sense something was wrong but I never got around telling her. We did many things together and it wasn't fare to Adie that I thought a lot about my ex. Its been more than 6 months since those incidents occurred, So much have changed, so much of my perspective on life has change. The main thing that destroyed my relationship with my ex was my insomnia….. I often question why the disease prolonged…

As I entered my new job just to get far away from it all, I stumbled across what I would call specimens of friends. By this time my hurt has receded, my memories of her due to insomnia have faded. It was January 2009, the trees rustled above me, the warm tropical air filled my shirt licking at my sweat, the clear blue sky above Piasau Camp beach made me reflect upon life as a whole. The sand streched for 10s of miles, the faint sound of kids laughing from a distance drowned by strong wind could be heard. Sea gulls were screaming at each other in the air as they establish their pact leader. The crest of the waves hit the beach and whitened with foam as the waters roughly splash with the sound of synchronized roaring. As I pondered upon the things in life I found that at the end of the day in God's eyes the world is not about us. Yeah I have been thinking hard about the meaning of life. I remember telling Janice, "Jan, I don't know what this life is about, I mean how can I keep living when I know at the end of the day it accomplishes nothing" she looked at me with a confused face and replied "What do you feel you are lacking. You have a job, you have friends, you have me and Caleb that are near you, what more do you want. You should see the pastor" Her usual reply was I should get counseling. Its not that I didn't want to, it's just that they never thought about these things themselves. The break through happen when Jordan Lindsay told me to pray that I trust in God and just do what is right….. I have been holding on to things I don't want to let go. It just made sense to surrender my life and all I hang on to, to God.. I mean why hold on to a cookie while your hand is trapped in a cookie jar. I have always wanted to train as a teacher, not a drilling engineer. I always have a heart for the unfortunate students in the not so good classes where all kinds of things in their life are holding them back mentaly and emotionaly. I always have a heart for them. After all the only difference between me and anyone else is to whom am I born to…. If we were only to live for so long, it made sense to live it for God. I can only plan where I am going. But I know I will get somewhere. I guess for the 1st time since graduation I am feeling excited again about life. I don't regret any relationship I have had with anyone be it hurtful or beautiful, with all of them there was always an epiphany and something to learn. =) I owe it to God for my peace. Amen.