I hate wars, I hate death and I hate hearing of other people exploiting the helpless and the poor. Yes I love humanity above the need to suck up to some powerful and rich prick, I appreciate people and generally have a love for everyone around me.
However I notice when I am engaged in an activity where I need to deal with decisions objectively and analytically like programing. I start to become judgmental and calculative with my thoughts especially when it comes to people. I am not kidding but once I was on a programing mission that lasted for months I caught myself thinking of what a useless and crap boss I have. "He can't do shit yet he runs his mouth". I started having very negative feelings towards the way my ex company operated allowing someone as unproductive and irritating as him to run the show. (I dislike bosses that emphasize productivity over quality) I start going on thinking in my head on how the government can help exterminate potential idiotic office politicians without breaking any religious law. One of the way I thought was force sterilization on people that have a history of creating stupid issues or retards or mentally unstable people.
Its scary being in that state. I think I get into that state because that is what I am deep down inside. What I am "normally" is a person that suppress my need for efficiency and perfection over love for humanity. Becoming a full time programer or perhaps a researcher is definitely a no no for me. I am sure as hell I can't be a lawyer too, having one of my parents as one I know its also not for me.
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